Trauma Response or Procrastination? How to Tell the Difference

Many people deal with wanting to put off tasks that are hard, physically and emotionally. Perhaps you are at a job that you don’t really enjoy but stay because it’s financially advantageous. If you find yourself putting tasks off until tomorrow (or the next day…or the next day) and you have had traumatic events or relationships in your life, it may be hard to discern if the avoidance of a task is procrastination or a trauma response. Both trauma response of freeze and procrastination can involve avoidance behavior, but they have different underlying causes and motivations.

What Exactly is PTSD though?

As a trauma-informed practice, we work with many folx who have experienced trauma. Sometimes this may result in a diagnosis of PTSD. This can feel very stigmatizing for some patients, while others feel freed by finally having a name for what is happening within them. Yet others may feel all sort of things in between. We hear PTSD on the regular these days. But what exactly is it?

Anxiety: What’s it all About?

The common response to, “I’m so nervous about this date/job interview/meeting,” is, “Don’t be nervous. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Does hearing that actually work? Does someone saying, “Don’t be nervous,” stop you from feeling nervous? Probably not. In fact, sometimes it exacerbates it. Sharing our fears with friends often doesn’t result in the anxiety dissipating. It’s through no fault of their own, rather they aren’t trained to handle anxiety. But there’s good news…therapists are!

The Psychological Abuse of the U.S. Government

All the back and forth is putting people into turmoil. The backtracking behavior of “loans will be forgiven, oh wait, no they won’t” is intermittent conditioning and causes emotional instability. Also known as intermittent reinforcement, intermittent conditioning is emotional manipulation and abuse. There are occasional and sudden displays of reward-giving instances (such as a loan being forgiven) that are then taken away.

How to Heal After Divorce

Life after a divorce can be challenging, but it's important to focus on self-care, build a strong support system, set realistic goals, establish a new routine, let go of resentment, and take things slowly. By taking these steps, you can begin to rebuild your life and find happiness once again.

Working with a skilled therapist can be key in helping to heal the heartbreak that can accompany divorce. There are support groups also, to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.

How to Apologize Effectively in 5 Steps

These non-apologies essentially blame the other person for feeling upset or hurt. There isn’t acknowledgment on the part of the person who did the hurting so they aren’t real apologies. That’s the key, acknowledgment of one’s own actions. The non-apologies are defensive statements that endeavor to get the person who is doing the apologizing “off the hook.” The statements don’t take responsibility for the person’s actions so they aren’t real apologies.

Trauma HealingDenise RenyeFebruary 8, 2023apology, narcissistic abuse, relationships, romantic, romantic partnerships

How Active Imagination and the Inner Child Work Together

You can communicate with your inner child(ren) as much as you’d like, and as with anything, as long as it doesn’t interfere with other areas of your life. Your active imagination can take you far. Where do you want to go?

Watching Your Parents Grandparent

For someone in that situation, it may feel confusing or even like gaslighting. Generally, people want healthy, functional, emotionally regulated parents. There’s grief when that’s not present and why focusing on reparenting yourself can be so healing. To see the sort of parenting you wish you could have received given to your kids, but not to you, can bring up numerous feelings.

Trauma HealingDenise RenyeDecember 16, 2022ptsd, grandparent, parenting, inner child

When the Happiest Time of Year Isn’t So Happy

Don’t let art and social media bully you into feeling something that’s not authentic. Remember, this is a time of year for hibernating and going inward. It’s not only the winter solstice itself that brings up the sentiment, it’s also the days leading up to the solstice and the ones after it. We are in the midst of that time. Yes, it’s the holidays, but it’s also winter.

Trauma Response: The Part Missing

Fawning looks like codependence. It’s putting someone else’s needs above your own. It’s struggling to say “no” and saying “yes” when you don’t want to. Your orientation is toward other people instead of yourself, “What will make them happy?” not “What will make me happy?” It’s making yourself responsible for other people’s actions and reactions: “I must have done something wrong. If only I’d done XYZ, they wouldn’t be angry/withdrawn/upset, etc.”

The Alchemy of Acceptance

When you practice acceptance, you’re no longer focusing outward. You’re no longer trying to change, fix, or control other people and situations so you can feel happy, fulfilled, peaceful, or whatever it is you think will happen if only they did XYZ or if ABC looked different. Instead, you’re keeping the focus on yourself and asking what you can do right now, given these circumstances and these people, to feel the way you want to feel.

Trauma HealingDenise RenyeDecember 1, 2022acceptance, PTSD, family trauma, holiday, alchemy, 12 steps

How to Stay Sane During the Holidays

To stay sane during the holidays, I encourage my patients, clients, and students to continue the practices they have at other times of the year: breathwork, somatic work, yoga nidra, freewriting, getting outside, etc. It may feel tempting to let these practices fall by the wayside, but in times of stress, you need them more. Make sure you prioritize you because you are the most important relationship you’ll ever have.

Ritual and Ceremony, Trauma HealingDenise RenyeNovember 30, 2022trauma, holidays, holiday seasion, self love, self care

Witches, Women, and Psychology

Witches, of today and yesteryear, accept all parts of themselves, which promotes psychological healing for us all. There is a depth of healing that can occur when individual work is done that enacts not only on their own psyche but also heals collective trauma. When intergenerational and collective trauma are more richly understood and focused upon, deeper layers of healing can occur.

Do You Wish You Could Turn Back the Clock?

In other words, being a teenager may not have been the idyllic time you remember it being. If you find yourself wishing you could go back to high school, that could be a symptom of something else. Maybe you’re longing for certain qualities you’re not experiencing as an adult. Maybe you want more play and creativity. Or perhaps you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed by “adulting” and could use a playdate with your inner children. It could also be that you’re lonely and want more time with your friends.

Hypervigilance and How it Thwarts Pleasure

Some people may go along with something sexual in order to people please, to make sure the other person doesn’t get angry with them, feel disappointed, become upset or whatever it is they’re afraid will happen. The person is “fawning” and not engaging in the sexual activity because it’s pleasing or pleasurable to them, rather, they’re doing it for the other person.

Are Things Simpler When You’re a Child?

What people often forget is it’s hard being a child; there are numerous milestones kids go through before they’re 5 years old. They learn gross motor skills like rolling over and crawling, which is a very big deal. They are going from being immobile, dependent on those around them to do everything, to learning and becoming more independent somatically.

What is the Shadow in Psychology?

The shadow is what you don’t want to see the “light of day.” It’s the traits you’d rather keep hidden away. It’s things or traits you perhaps feel ashamed about or embarrassed by.

The Stages of Inner Child Healing

People in the process of healing their inner children may undergo this acceptance process as well. They may no longer fight life but accept it as it is. They may also start to trust the process and themselves, knowing it will lead to somewhere new, more integrated, and more whole.

Releasing Trauma from the Body

Just as the mind and body registers an event (or events) as traumatic, the mind and body can also release those traumatic events. Here are some techniques I’ve found are helpful for releasing trauma from the body:

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