Do You Wish You Could Turn Back the Clock?

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could turn back time? Do you think back wistfully to when you were a teenager and say, “Those were the good old days,” or “Things were so much better then”? As people start to age, it’s not uncommon for them to reflect on high school or college and wish they could relive that time period. They long for the “carefree” days of their youth or a time when they didn’t have so many adult responsibilities.

However, just as things aren’t really so simple for children because they are growing in leaps and bounds, the same is true for adolescents. There are physical changes – menstruation, growth spurts, pubic hair, etc. – that can bring about a complex array of emotions such as discomfort, excitement, stress, pleasure, and many more.  These physical changes can be challenging to cope with as teenagers learn their new bodies. 

There are also cognitive and emotional changes. During their teen years, adolescents grow their capacity to think abstractly and start making long-term plans. They are preparing for their lives ahead while also being concerned with their day-to-day lives. They care a lot about belonging and peer influence becomes more important. They want to fit in but also stand out. Romantic and sexual relationships may become more of a priority as well.

A teenager straddles the line between child and adult, which can be tense because physically they look more like adults, but mentally and emotionally they aren’t fully developed yet. While the brain has plasticity and is ever-changing, the brain’s development doesn’t come to full maturity until about age 26.

Teens want independence from their parents and caregivers yet may not be ready to strike out on their own. Adolescents are stretched in numerous directions and have pressure coming at them from all sides. They deal with a lot and from 2009 to 2021, the share of American high-school students who say they felt “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness” rose from 26% to 44%, according to a new CDC study. This is the highest level of teenage sadness ever recorded!

In other words, being a teenager may not have been the idyllic time you remember it being. If you find yourself wishing you could go back to high school, that could be a symptom of something else. Maybe you’re longing for certain qualities you’re not experiencing as an adult. Maybe you want more play and creativity. Or perhaps you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed by “adulting” and could use a playdate with your inner children. It could also be that you’re lonely and want more time with your friends.

Whatever it is, you don’t have to invent a time machine to live the life you want. The beauty of being an adult is you have more agency than a teenager. Yes, you have responsibilities and perhaps a boss, partner, and children that you have to keep in mind as you make decisions, but even still there are more choices available to you now as an adult. You can choose differently.

Think back to the time when you were a teenager. What were some events that you remember feeling strongly about? What were your passions then? See if you can tap into that time of your life and recall a sense of yearning for freedom as it was likely just out of reach. Do you have that freedom now? Have you cultivated a life where you feel free inside? If not, perhaps you could get in touch with your inner teen and see what they may need because that inner teen need could be the very thing to become conscious of so you can create your life more in alignment with who you are.

Journal Prompts

·      What was my life like as a teenager?  How did I express myself?  Was I encouraged to squash my anger? Or did I have a family that let me explore healthy ways of expressing it?

·      What do I remember from my teen years as something that I really wanted but couldn’t have?  What was that?  Why was it important at the time? 

·      How can I be there for my inner teen now so they can grow and flourish within me so that integration may take place even more deeply?

Stay connected by subscribing to my newsletter.

Reference

Everett Jones, Dr. Sherry; Ethier, Dr. Kathleen; Hertz, Marci; et al. “Mental Health, Suicidality, and Connectedness Among High School Students During the COVID-19 Pandemic — Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey, United States, January–June 2021.” Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. April 1, 2022, Vol. 71:3, pp. 16-21. https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/71/su/pdfs/su7103a3-H.pdf