Let Go of What you’re “Supposed to Do” this Holiday Season

The holidays are officially upon us. For some, this time of year is usually filled with travel and/or family gatherings. For others, they are unable or unwilling to see family and instead choose to spend the holidays with friends, chosen family, or possibly on a sojourn or solo retreat. 

No matter who you are, the holidays look different this year. Maybe your holiday celebration is smaller than usual, or it’s happening over Zoom. Maybe the celebration is not happening at all.

While mainstream media may portray holidays to be joyous, celebratory and a time when families join together in warmth and closeness, you may be experiencing a wide range of feelings this holiday season. Let’s make room for all of them. Spaciousness for our internal experiences is a key part to healing our individual and collective wounds.

A feeling that may not be easily and readily embraced during this anomaly of a holiday season is bittersweet relief. The shadow aspects of the holidays are not often acknowledged, but it seems only right to do so this unique year, more than ever. Relief because people don’t have to travel. They don’t have to see that family member who is loud and intrusive, or feels entitled to dominate with political views. They don’t have to hide parts of themselves into order to fit into a system they may have outgrown. This downloadable on Active Listening may help with interactions with family members. 

Many people have historically had to hide away or attempt to cut off parts of themselves in order to fit in and appear like one of the bunch. They have hidden  behind alcoholic drinks, in bottomless bowls of sugary carbs, vomiting or vaping in the bathroom, or finding another way to twist their psyches into a pretzel to conform for familial acceptance so that the holiday can be exclaimed as “successful” from an outside-in perspective. This can be especially painful for a person who isn’t out about sexual orientation, gender identity, religious views, or spiritual practices.

What can happen in families is a lack of acceptance for who a person is. Back when I lived in Philly, I worked at a refuge for LGBTQIA+ youth. “The Attic” was a place youth could go when they didn’t have anywhere else to call home. Each week we held “family dinners” and every year we put together holiday meals. When I think of “The Attic,” I’m reminded that finding a safe space – even if it’s in your room while on the phone with a trusted friend – can be life-saving.

What if this is the year people can decondition their associations with what they are “supposed to do” or how they’re “supposed to be?” And instead they’re able to get real about what they really want? Like maybe they don’t want to over/undereat to fit in or eat turkey or even celebrate the holidays at all. Perhaps this year is a year to come out of denial of who we really are and what we really want to create in this one lifetime.

Individually, the more we come out of denial about one aspect of our lives (like a holiday), the more that happens in other aspects as well. Coming out of denial means we can authentically say “yes to this” but “no to that.” That’s huge when it comes to integrating your whole self. 

The holidays could be a freeing time to integrate and letting go of tension your whole self and to become clear on what works for you and what doesn’t. Instead of being a stressful period, it could be a deconditioning one. Express gratitude and joy to yourself this year for making choices that honor the being that you are.  If you want support with the process of integration, or a safe person to talk to, reach out to me. I’m here.

For ideas and ways to stay connected to and learn more about the unconscious through the body, feel free to stay connected.