How to Let Things Go

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Life is a constant ebb and flow. Sometimes things, people, and situations work well for you but sometimes they don’t. When they stop working, it’s important to let them go. But how do you do that? Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “I’m letting this go,” but sometimes it’s more complicated. In my work as a Marin County psychologist, I’ve learned there’s a process to letting go.

1.     Acknowledge the Emotion: You can’t let go of anything before you first become aware of it. In the case of emotions, identify and name what you’re feeling when you contemplate letting go. This could be anger, sadness, resentment, fear, or something else.

2.     Practice Mindfulness: It can be hard to let go of a thing, person, or situation if you’re stuck in the past or fantasizing about the future. It’s often the idea of the thing, person, or situation that makes letting go so difficult. To counter this, focus on the present moment through breathing exercises, meditation, or grounding techniques. When you come back into your body, it’s easier to connect with what’s here, now.

3.     Challenge Negative Thoughts: It can be hard to let go if negative thoughts keep arising. Things like, “I can’t live without this person,” or “I’ll never find a better job.” Those thoughts can keep you stuck in unhealthy situations. Identify repetitive, unhelpful thoughts and reframe them with more balanced perspectives. That could mean focusing on facts (i.e., “I’m qualified for at least 30 jobs available on LinkedIn”), or asking yourself questions such as, “How do I know this is true?”

4.     Set Intentions for Release: I’m a big believer in intentions. They can be powerful and in the case of letting go, write down what you want to let go of and why, then create a simple ritual around it (e.g., burning the paper). Humans long for rituals and ceremonies, which is why ritual and ceremonial psychology is one of my offerings.

5.     Accept What You Cannot Change: A big reason it can be difficult to let something go is because you have trouble accepting the thing, person, or situation as it is. “It’s not supposed to be like this,” or “This can’t be happening,” keeps you stuck in the “what if” as opposed to the “what’s real.” Acknowledge what’s out of your control and focus on what you can influence. This is where serenity lies.

6.     Engage in Physical Activity: We spend so much time on our devices using our brains that it’s easy to neglect the body. In order to let something go, it’s not only a mental exercise but a physical one. Release pent-up emotions through yoga, walking, or other forms of movement.

7.     Seek Support: It’s important to acknowledge as much as you’d like to handle something completely on your own, a support system is often what tips the scales in your favor. It’s from talking with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group to process feelings that you’re more able to change and let things go.

8.     Declutter Your Space: To let things go (especially if it’s people or situations), the physical act of decluttering can breathe new energy into your life. Removing physical items tied to the past can symbolize letting go and support you in the process of letting go mentally.

9.     Focus on Gratitude: This one is similar to being present. When you shift your attention to what you have and appreciate in your life, it can be easier to let go of things that aren’t working. By recognizing the good, you’re reminding your nervous system of what’s right which makes letting go of “what’s wrong,” easier.

10.  Visualize Freedom: The body can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality, which is why visualization is so important. Imagine yourself letting go of the burden and feel the lightness that comes with it.

11.  Commit to Self-Care: It can be exhausting to let things go. Prioritize activities that nurture your mind, body, and spirit to ensure you feel nourished.

12.  Be Patient with Yourself: Remember that letting go is a process—acknowledge small steps forward. Even baby steps are progress.

Letting go is not about forgetting or dismissing what has shaped us, but rather about making space for growth, healing, and new possibilities. It is a courageous act of self-compassion, requiring us to release what no longer serves us so we can embrace the fullness of our present and future. Though the process may be uncomfortable or even painful at times, it is also profoundly freeing, offering us the chance to reclaim our energy and refocus on what truly matters. By practicing the art of letting go, we step closer to a life of clarity, balance, and peace, where we can fully inhabit the person we are becoming.

If you’d like more support around letting go (or with anything else), reach out to me.