Are You Dissociating?

By: Dr. Denise Renye

In my last post, I mentioned sometimes we make ourselves busy as a way to dissociate from what’s going on in the world or our personal lives. It’s a very misinformed gift from our psyche. Dissociation is common because the mind and body are smart. They act in ways to protect us from something traumatic. Traumatic experiences occur when our nervous systems become overwhelmed, affecting our capacity to cope both physically and on emotional or spiritual levels.

The overwhelm could be from war, a car accident, abuse (sexual, physical, verbal, financial, or emotional), a sudden death or experiencing a near-death of your own or someone important to you, miscarriage, repeated and prolonged childhood neglect, poverty and class differences, racism, etc. This can be a one-time incident or it can be multiple incidents over a period of time. It can happen to you as an adult or a child.

You can think of dissociation as the “mental flight” when the body wants to engage in the fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn response in response to a threat. It’s when you’re mentally checked out because you can’t escape physically. Dissociation frequently occurs in childhood in response to overwhelming and distressing experiences, particularly during a vulnerable stage of development.

People may disconnect from their emotions, sensations, and memories as a way to shield themselves from the pain and distress associated with the trauma. While this coping strategy may provide temporary relief, it can hinder the processing and healing of the underlying trauma, preventing individuals from addressing and resolving their emotional wounds. Over time, it can lead to difficulties in relationships, emotional regulation, and personal growth.

Here's an example for you of a woman who represents a compilation of many, many patients and clients I’ve worked with over the years. Sarah, 32, sat alone in her dimly lit living room, her hands trembling as she clutched a cup of tea. She stared at the wall, her gaze fixed on a family portrait but her mind was far away. She often found herself retreating into an inner world whenever the painful memories of her tumultuous upbringing resurfaced.

As she stared at the photo, she felt detached from the emotions that had plagued her for years. It was a defense mechanism she had learned in response to the chaos of her childhood, a way to protect herself from the emotional storms that had raged in her family. Yet, despite its momentary relief, she couldn't help but feel a growing longing for genuine connection and healing, wondering if there was a way to confront her past without losing herself in the process.

Sarah often lost herself, even when she tried to connect with others. For instance, during partnered sex, she disconnected from her immediate physical and emotional experiences. She mentally distanced herself from what was happening to protect her emotional well-being. Sarah is not alone in doing that.

Performance anxiety, relationship issues, or feelings of guilt and shame can trigger dissociation during sex, making it difficult for some individuals to fully engage and be present in the moment. It's crucial to recognize and address these underlying factors to ensure a healthier and more fulfilling sexual experience.

Sarah's journey toward healing took a transformative turn when she decided to seek help. She discovered the benefits of somatic psychotherapy, a therapeutic approach that focused on the mind-body connection. Working with a skilled therapist, she began to explore the sensations in her body, gradually reconnecting with the emotions that she had long suppressed. Through this process, Sarah learned to recognize the signs of dissociation and developed tools to ground herself in the present.

Signs of dissociation include the following:

·      Feeling like a floating head

·      Forgetting about certain time periods, events, and personal information

·      Feeling disconnected from the world around you

·      Not having a sense of who you are

·      Feeling little or no physical pain

·      Numbness

·      Zoning out

If that last one snagged your attention, that’s because society socially sanctions dissociation if it involves a personal device such as a cellphone or tablet. Spending hours on TikTok, endlessly scrolling through Instagram, and going down a YouTube rabbit hole are all modern examples of dissociation that are very much normalized. Sometimes dissociation becomes paired with something else like eating, drinking, smoking/vaping weed, or taking edibles. In those instances, dissociation may become the lynchpin of addiction.

Addiction is a dance between worlds. There’s the external world and the inner world. When those two are incongruent for whatever reason, a person may dissociate because the mismatch is too painful. Again, that can be done with or without a substance or behavior. It can also be done by pairing the two together, for instance, binge-watching Netflix while also bingeing on popcorn. Or scrolling through TikTok while also smoking weed.

Everyone wants to check out every now and again, that’s a human response. But if you find like Sarah that you’re zoning out more frequently than not, struggle to form relationships, and can’t seem to focus, you may benefit from working with a trained professional as well as engaging in some practices on your own.

Meditation can be a valuable tool in helping you cope with dissociation by promoting self-awareness and grounding in the present moment. Through mindfulness practices, you can learn to acknowledge and accept your feelings without judgment, gradually reconnecting with your body and emotions.

By developing a greater understanding of your thoughts and sensations, meditation can empower you to manage triggers, reduce anxiety, and foster a sense of control over your mental states. Over time, regular meditation can contribute to a stronger sense of presence and self, aiding in the healing process for those dealing with dissociation and related emotional challenges.

For Sarah, yoga therapy allowed her to release tension and trauma stored in her body, providing a profound sense of release and relaxation. Finding a certified yoga therapist who is also competently trained as a mental health professional is key. With time, yoga not only helped her regain control over her body but also cultivated mindfulness and self-compassion.

As the months passed, Sarah noticed a profound change within herself. She started to engage more fully with her emotions, forging connections with others that had always felt elusive. Her family portrait no longer held the same haunting power and instead became a symbol of her resilience and transformation. She embarked on a path of healing and self-discovery, emerging from her dissociation to find a life filled with newfound authenticity, joy, and connection. If you have a history of dissociation, know that healing is possible.

For more support on living a whole person, fully integrated life, subscribe to my newsletter.

To set up an appointment to work together for sex therapy, depth psychotherapy, or holistic coaching now, click here.