Using ‘Sexuality Mapping’ to Heal

By: Dr. Denise Renye

As a certified sexologist and sex therapist, I work with people on a variety of sexual topics. Folx find their way to me for a plethora of reasons. Some want better, more self-aligned, or different sex with their partner(s). Some want to know how to more accurately communicate their needs, wants, and desires. Some want to know if masturbation is normal. Some are curious about what they really like or want to explore something outside of the vanilla variety of sex. Some are sex workers or those who go to sex workers. And others come to me because they’ve been sexually hurt in their lives – they have trauma surrounding sex.

Sexual trauma is any sexual act imposed upon another person without their consent. Examples of sexual trauma include sexual assault, rape, sexual abuse, stalking, sexual harassment, street harassment, childhood sexual abuse, familial sexual abuse, sex trafficking, online sexual harassment, and sexual violence in relationships. Sexual trauma can also be secondary, meaning it didn’t happen to the person directly. As an example, perhaps the person witnessed their sibling being sexually abused and were scared of abuse happening to them. I’ve written about ways to release trauma from the body, and I’ve found it powerful to focus on sex(uality) specifically. I created a technique about 20 years ago called “Sexuality Mapping” as a way of working with a person’s sexuality and sexualness in order to potentially heal trauma by gaining a deeper understanding of their sexual past so that going forward they can make choices in alignment with who they really are.

I use it, when appropriate, with therapy patients, coaching clients, and sometimes with students in a classroom setting or workshop. Note: If there is trauma and the individual is in coaching or a course, they should be in a therapeutic container simultaneously.

Sexual Mapping takes a person through their sexual lives using the right and left brain to reflect on how their sexual lives have unfolded thus far. It’s a comprehensive approach that covers the psychological, social, cultural, and spiritual messages they received about sex. For instance:

·      Psychological: What was the person taught about sex? Where did those ideas come from? Their parents, society, movies, porn?

·      Social: How was the person taught about sex? And what have they done themselves in terms of sexual acts? Also, what were the social pressures of sex?

·      Cultural: What were the cultural messages they received about sex? What were they told to think about sex? For instance, were they told it always has to end in orgasm?

·      Spiritual: What were the spiritual or religious messages they received? For instance, that sex is only for marriage? Or that having sex makes you less spiritual?

I care about the whole person, so this approach to sexual mapping is not only mental, but also includes art, journaling, and creating space to sit/be with the self. The process spans a number of weeks or months and is done in conjunction with me, the practitioner. 

Reflecting back on one’s life in regards specifically to sexuality and the understanding of sexuality is a powerful process that can bring up a lot internally. That’s why it’s important to have a solid container in which to do this exploration and something I advocate a person does with a practitioner and not on one’s own.When delving into sensitive material, such as one’s sexual history, it is important to be gentle and to be supported.

When patients, clients, and students of mine have bravely engaged with this technique, they have gained a deeper understanding of their inner workings and that has resulted in experiencing sex as less of a chore and something that brings great pleasure and even joy to their (sex) lives. They have worked through persistent negative thoughts and somatic expressions that felt invasive and created barriers to open-hearted and passionate connections. This technique has helped people get to the root cause of sexual dysfunctions such as vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, arousal concerns, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and hyposexuality/hypersexuality*.  

Sexuality Mapping has the potential to help you be more you. And what the world needs most is for more people to be more themselves. The conditioning that occurs through living daily life, enduring traumas, and listening to as well as believing in other people’s opinions is brutal on the body and mind. It distances you from your real self, your soul self.

To learn more about the 3 month Sexuality Mapping Program, please read more here.

If you’re interested in Sexual Mapping, reach out to me, and be sure to sign up for my newsletter to hear more about these and other topics.

*I use these clinical terms while simultaneously understanding and respecting there may be shame that arises while reading them.