We’re in it Together: Discomfort of Uncertainty, the In-Between, the Bardos
By: Dr. Denise Renye
A recurring theme I notice right now is uncertainty. What will happen with our collective health and the pandemic, with returning to work outside the home, with the economy, with the injustice of the governmental system in the U.S., with the planet’s well-being? Nobody knows – we’re all just guessing! We are in the “bardos,” a Buddhist concept that describes the in-between place of not knowing, of uncertainty. It’s an uncomfortable place to be but we’ve been here before and we’ll be here again.
Truthfully, we are always in the bardos but sometimes we forget that. We think we know what will happen in the future, but we don’t. Certainty is an illusion and this year in particular amplifies that on a global scale.
“As the world around us becomes more turbulent, so our lives become more fragmented,” writes Sogyal Rinpoche, founder and spiritual director of Rigpa, an international network of Buddhist groups and centers. “Out of touch and disconnected from ourselves, we are anxious, restless, and often paranoid. A tiny crisis pricks the balloon of the strategies we hide behind. A single moment of panic shows us how precarious and unstable everything is. To live in the modern world is to live in what is clearly a bardo realm.”
Rinpoche wrote that back in 2001 but doesn’t it feel like it could have been written this week? And he’s spot on when he describes what happens when people are out of touch and disconnected from themselves. Disembodiment and dissociation are very common, especially at this time. I’d say the predominant emotions right now are anxiety, restlessness, and paranoia, with a bit of depression sprinkled in there. If you are experiencing any of these, you are not alone. However, the reality is we are constantly cycling between clarity and confusion, but as human beings we long for certainty, for routine, for the illusion thereof. We want to feel safe and think knowing the future will create that safety. Constant uncertainty may feel scary, bleak, or depressing. Oh, but it can feel differently too!
American Buddhist nun and author Pema Chödrön wrote:
“When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment, or awakening to our true nature, to our fundamental goodness. Another word for this is freedom – freedom from struggling against the fundamental ambiguity of being human.”
Being in touch with uncertainty, accepting it, creates freedom so that we no longer have to struggle against it. Instead of trying to fix or solve feelings of anxiety, restlessness, or paranoia, we relax into what is. Chödrön has an exercise about this. She writes:
“Acknowledge the feeling, give it your full, compassionate, even welcoming attention, and even if it’s only for a few seconds, drop the story line about the feeling. This allows you to have a direct experience of it, free of interpretation. Don’t fuel it with concepts or opinions about whether it’s good or bad. Just be present with the sensation. Where is it located in your body? Does it remain the same for very long? Does it shift and change?”
I also offer this breathing exercise as another example to deal with uncertainty.
The following are other things to do when you’re in the throes of anxiety due to uncertainty:
· Focus on what you can control – the time you spend reading the news, how frequently you apply for jobs, etc.
· Ask questions about certainty: Do you really need it? What are the advantages of it? What are the disadvantages of it? What is certainty, really?
· Practice tolerating uncertainty better. Uncertainty doesn’t necessarily mean a terrible outcome. A surprise pay raise or a call from an old friend are also unexpected.
· Remember how resilient you are. Think about all the times you personally faced adversity and survived. Also think about how as a society we’ve done the same thing.
· Manage your anxiety and stress levels through breathing, journaling, yoga, meditation, walks in nature, etc.
· Stay connected with friends, loved ones, and people who can support you, such as a therapist or coach.
I’m going to end with another quote by Chödrön here because she puts it so beautifully: “We have a choice. We can spend our whole life suffering because we can’t relax with how things really are, or we can relax and embrace the open-endedness of the human situation, which is fresh, unfixated, unbiased.”
It’s hard, but I’m right there with you, living in the bardos. If you want to talk with me about uncertainty, I’m happy to support you.
References
Chödrön, Pema. Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications; October 14, 2008.
Clark, Dr. David A. “Living With Uncertainty During COVID-19.” Psychology Today. March 29, 2020. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-runaway-mind/202003/living-uncertainty-during-covid-19
Robinson, Lawrence; Smith, Melinda. “Dealing with Uncertainty During the Coronavirus Pandemic.” Helpguide.org. April 2020. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/dealing-with-uncertainty.htm
Rinpoche, Sogyal. “The Opportunity of Uncertainty.” Tricycle Magazine. Winter 2001. https://tricycle.org/magazine/opportunity-uncertainty/